A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
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