I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
