Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
