is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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