is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
