Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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