Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot