I wanna eat
then eat your cupcake
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...