very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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