just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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