No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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