oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
