i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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