How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
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We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
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I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
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