nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
