you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
