i don't like sucking hair
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Randomize
