It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
