OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
