I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
