just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
