HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
