my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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