He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
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