So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
