Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
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I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
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You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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