well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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