i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
