maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
