If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
