I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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