11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
