I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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