you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
