hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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