You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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