just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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