its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Are we still banned from the library?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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