Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
