i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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