a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
COCAINE IS GR8
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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