I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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