I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
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