you guys were way drunker than both of me
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
