I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Randomize
