It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
should my penis look like a turkey
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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