At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Randomize
