I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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