I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Never underestimate the power of titties
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
