Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Boobs speak an international language.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
