4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
