Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Actions speak louder than pants.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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