OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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