she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
