I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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