it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
