I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
