bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
