dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Randomize
