jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
