I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
