he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
