I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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