So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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