There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
