Joe is yelling at the trees again.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
