I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
