Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
