I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
