Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Randomize
