True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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