its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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