Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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